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my parents only care about my grades

I then became a parent while my mom went out partying and drinking. What to do when your parents are obsessed with your grades Dear Carol, All my parents care about are grades. 9 years they have been grumbling and criticizing my choice of freelance self-employment only because I dashed their dreams of being gainfully employed in the system. How can I help her get out of this situation, and leave her parents for good? my father did & still does ALL OF THESE . But obviously, they think I am. Why? At some camp I started telling jokes one afternoon and I drew people in for hours. Say so. This is so refreshing to know that there are people out there with similar experiences - When my parents lash on me talk me down , have me stand with my brother if he did wrong , you know the past days has been terrible for me , i have been searching the internet and seeing that i was abused all of my life from sleeping on the bare floor to being whipped with wires and canes naked to punching me in the face and i must just stand there and not cry or say a thing because my father used to say when i beat you ! View complete answer on consumeraffairs.com I have always felt like I wasnt good enough, my parents used to scold me if my grades where not perfect "why did you not get 100%?" Answer: Your father would be classified as an overprotective parent. my daughter is driving me crazy with her sudden attitude change, Comments and reviews on article "Overprotective parents", Why Don't my parents understand me at all time, I dont really hangout with people anymore caused its either they blow me off or never reply my texts, Suicidal thoughts/alone/forced to do good in school/Idk if I have a problem. I do everything my homework I go to tutoring, I even prepare to exam that is gonna be 4 years later! over a year ago. And yet I'd be. I fully understand that my own upbringing - very strict an seemingly harsh - was luxurious and easy by comparison and that stops me from feeling sorry for myself. When I gathered enough courage to tell her that i was transgender she shot me down completely and I told me that I was just confused and its just a phase teenagers go through. My experience is coming from an alcoholic home and ending up with C-PTSD. That would have made me confident, today! Please get help. Childhood is a time to freely explore, try on different personas, and fall on your face. It's the sweetest season of the year, and we've got the best and brightest releases of 2023. One day, you'll understand. What if that way was to change your own attitude and approach? But why, would I ever intentally harm anyone or anything? They want to give you a better future than they have. It is hard to excel in school when you feel pressure on all sides. I joined the choir thinking it will help me boost my confidence but I've bn in the choir getting to a year hving never sang and I feel depressed and useless because I want to pursue music as a career but hw can I be a shy musician? These parents maintain that they should never have to praise their offspring for things such as having good behavior, doing chores without being asked, or earning good grades. HubPages is a registered trademark of The Arena Platform, Inc. Other product and company names shown may be trademarks of their respective owners. Discuss the matter with an impartial relative, counselor, or a teacher. for the childish thing, yes i am childish but can you really blame me? Also develop self-confidence, you are a beautiful, worthy person- a child of God. "She's rude, and who does she think she is thinking she can talk back to us like that. Grace Marguerite Williams (author) from the Greatest City In The World-New York City, New York on January 24, 2020: Speak to your mother & if she refuses to listen, you should speak to another relative or a school counselor. When my grandma passed away in 2011, I felt no emotional connection or sorrow because she was never in my life and acted like she never wanted to. What iconic squad matches you and your besties? Now it's me and my sister. Answer: Your mother wants the best for you. I experience a few highs but many low points in life. now i just have depression wherever i go. and if you ask me.. i dont care as much about grades, for me.. if i know that im good in that specific subject but i still get low grades it doesnt really matter to me. Haven't seen or talked to them in months now. My mam blamed them for making me not study (even though I was) and she often didnt allow me to leave the house. Never picking the right man? How can I explain them that we are modern teenagers that want to have fun! i m 53 it took me so much time to understand why i m so nice to people why i lack self confidence why i maried a manipulator why i was never happy my mom was a narcissic manipulator and my father was always manipulated by her . what a life ! I know my parents love me and they are trying to provide me with the best life they can but they are so controlling. and now they keep asking why i hate them so much,AND how the bible said to care about your parent,your parent is the number one.. um what about the children?nope bible didn't say anything about that for them.. Grace Marguerite Williams (author) from the Greatest City In The World-New York City, New York on September 17, 2018: Talk to a trusted relative regarding your situation. No I don't! I have a "problem" i always get stressed in exams so i sometimes read questions in the wrong way, which leads to me getting low grades even though im good in that subject. But them telling me that everyday is enough to ruin my day. If you're trying to get your self-confidence and self-esteem levels up after years of living with critical parents, here are some steps you can follow. There are parents who do not believe in praising because they believe that it softens and spoils kids and will make them conceited and think too highly of themselves. I want the ability to defend myself from perverts. Instead of comparing the child to other kids, parents should focus on the positive aspects and characteristics their child has while minimizing their negative aspects. the only way I can get an 90% is if I get 100% on the exam and science is my worst subject but "my sister did IB so I should be able to succeed in academic because I am naturally smarter than her but she works harder". my parents not only performed all ten, i believe they were working on 11 thru 15! If I protested, they would tell me I am lazy and useless and that this was the "small" price I had to pay for being taken care of. Question: I feel like my parents do not trust me. In these parents' purview, their children are incapable of doing anything for themselves. You and your mother need joint counseling. Some parents want their children to be physically/emotionally flawless. I sing and do it very well. that "I'm grown up now and can start being your own person." He's Spanish and Mexican. I have a "problem" i always get stressed in exams so i sometimes read questions in the wrong way, which leads to me getting low grades even though im good in that subject. Parents Parents value grades over kindness, kids say in new study When your kid gets straight As, it's cause for a celebratory dinner out. Whenever I do want to hang with my friends she makes me feel bad by saying"does nothing else happen and what is going on in ur brain." Guess! In fact, parents who are controlling are immature as well as insecure. Adults are just perverts to kids. Instead, parents should encourage their children to pursue their dreams and let them figure out if their dreams and goals are reachable or impossible. I believe I have come to the point of not feeling like I belong and dare I say hopeless, somehow I find consolation that others have gone through this too, I wish you all the best and we will make it out of this time together! If your parents are not receptive to counselling, go by yourself. But of course my older sister and my mum constantly shout at me saying that i am going to fail all my exams, that i am hopeless and a disgrace. that saounds toxic. It was how my mom and dad were raised. How should I react here? i also forgot to add i really badly wanted a phone im 14 and my cousins are younger then me and also there are some older then me i planned of what phone im going to get of coarse apple i told my mom and she said that she doesn't have enough money for it and then my cousin asked the one who is a year older then me she is getting him a phone on black friday last year my mom got phones for my aunt and one of my cousins, i remmember when my mom gets mad she tells me to die and that if i was dead it would be easier for the family and that she wouldn't have to constantly yell at me my mom says that im a disgracful peice of shit to this family, funny how all 10 describe my parents your typical asian parents also such a coincidence my mother was talking to my younger cousin over the phone she's i think 12 and im 14 and she's comparing her and my sister with me always telling my flaws to others and making a bad picture of me i feel humiliated and disgraced of myself i hate myself of who i am now i think of myself lowly now my self esteem is destroyed now no matter how much i talk back to that voice of negitivity i lose every time it proves to me that this is what I am a peice of shit and nothing more my mother never shows her love to me it was always my sister and my mother and father only care about my grades that is it i struggle with math and i stepped from a D to an B and then something happened between witch caused me to drop my grade down to a D again and they gave me a 2 hour lecture about how im nothing without my grades and that if i don't step up my grades they will send me to a hostel my hobby is art is shut down i live art and no one can stop me from doing what i love so lunch at school or secret art classes is the only time i get to do the thing i love, Amazing how all 10 describe my parent i guess that's just typical asian parent(chinese descent), all my school and university of my choice got shot down, all jobs,hobby, and things that i like to do,even if i tried taking over the family business like they themself WANTED all shot down, demanding a perfect girlfriend,all my female friend got shot down no one can stand my parent,and they demand grandkids,now i don't even want to marry or have children, i tried talking to my grandma and other relative that is "higher" in position than them,they talk to my parent,then they change for the better for about 1 week..after that they become worst than the last and how dare i talk about bad thing about them to the relative and shaming them, i tried bringing them to the psychologist,they got advice bla bla,same thing happen 1 week wonderful parent,after that they become worst and worst, i tried cutting off contact and they harping to all my relative and acquaintance of how ungrateful and bad children i am,if i really want to cut off from them i have to cut off from other family member and friend that i have or they will try to find out where i am from them and destroy my life again and again and again, oh and how super religious they are how active they are in church they are literally think themself as holyman that cannot do any wrong,smiting me for how evil i am but they are not looking at the mirror themself of how they think they are servant of god and how they really act,i even tried talking about their situation with the help of the bible i quote some verse and they smite me again about how dare i use the bible against them. Talk to a school counselor regarding your parents. Does she think we're stupid and don't know anything!" Contact the suicide hotline & call a counsellor & get counselling. Parents should strive to take their own egos out of the equation and instead focus on what the child needs. All throughout my childhood i knew i had an abusive mother because one of my teachers in elementary opened my eyes. I strongly agree with all except the last one. My Mother is most of these, my mother scares, lowers self esteem, makes me feel under aprisiated, and gets angry at me for little things. She was independent at 14, working during the day and attending school at night, and had to fight for every opportunity to get ahead in life, which she did. I have every characteristic from being an underachiever to timid. Im 16 and i have an incredibly stressful life 6am - 10 or 12pm everyday. Answer: Your family situation is toxic. So she never gave it to me. But I can't say I'm surprised anytime there is a tradgid headline on the news, hate breeds more hate. Why I haven't turned out so great and I don't want anything to do with one of my parents. They are grossly unhappy, yearning for what might have been. Grace Marguerite Williams (author) from the Greatest City In The World-New York City, New York on August 15, 2018: So.let's start all things first by that my mother and father crushed when i was like 4.Then my mother moved to another country.I left with my father. Truth be told, I'm moderately smart but exceptionally creative and talented. By secondary school I was under-performing and lacked confidence. 10 checks for me and now I felt really empty. You feel that whatever your sibling does for good or bad, you feel somehow that you are responsible for your sibling's actions when such isn't necessarily the case. I just photoshopped my report card my entire highschool career. To pigeonhole anyone's intellectual ability based entirely upon their GPA often creates a self-fulfilling prophecy. Set some boundaries and steer your child in a direction you'd like to see them go in but let them have some independence. I read a lot of self-improvement books to get thru hard times. Many parents are threatened and nonplussed if their children's abilities and characteristics are different from their own. They want their children to succeed in life and in their vision, only good grades lead to a successful life. I got nothing but positive words. They do not view their kids as thinking, independent, autonomous individuals in their own right but instead as automatons and pieces of property that they can dictate and program at will. My parents were proud, but it seems that most of the love and hate I get from them comes from school-related material. I have only myself to blame for the bad because I didnt work hard enough. There are parents who believe that they know what is best for their children. She now purposefully misgenders me and forces me to wear feminine clothes. I know they care about my education, but they hurt my feelings. At-home entertainment ideas for women about to give birth, Educate your teenager about internet safety, Top ten questions for your doctor or midwife, Prenatal care - talking to your OB about pregnancy symptoms. But what if there was a better way to inspire change in your kids? WOW!! My mother displayed many of these characteristics but, even if I often disliked her growing up, I could never hate her because she genuinely did believe she was acting in my best interest. All my parents care about are grades. Also, disassociate from your family. That means they care about you. But it's not enough for them!!! Disassociate from such toxic parents. Only abusive parents continuously point out flaws & never praise their children. Question: Why do my parents get mad at me for being sad, grumpy, or having a mental breakdown when they are the reason for my mental pain? I get a 96 she gets mad at me. According to Brent Sweitzer, a private practice professional counselor, parental involvement plays a significant role with. My mother's parenting, somewhat pushy and demanding, came from the knowledge that life could be harsh and a well intentioned desire for her children to be tough and prepared for anything. i have no time to relax. (I am also more fair skinned than anyone in the family but I look just like my dad who is the one I get my fairness from, mind you. He must have picked up on the feeling that I didn't belong. I spent a full year wakibg up with panic attacks and anxiety but even after that they tell me i need to work harder. For examle, exams are coming up and right now I have a 88% average in science and I want it to be a 90% at least but my mom is making me stress even more and my dad doesn't even ask or he would too. She had to work, even as a young child, for the most basic things - a uniform and and stationery - so she could attend school. I having suicidal thoughts many days,I tried to suicide but I still failed,I don't know I am worthless and meaningless or important for their life.They made careers for me that Engineer,But I want to be game developer.I never get praise,I am 23 Years Old Now.I want to kill myself and I can't face the stress anymore! Answer: Your father is an abusive parent. Every school shooting has a reason why, and if you actually knew everything rather than what little you are told, you would probably at least understand why it happens. "He just kept saying over and over: 'In our family, that's not acceptable.' I didn't know what to say to him. I spend my entire time doing homework and sometimes i have so much that i just simply forget some pieces. You contact their professors, because you didn't like a grade/want to ask for clarification on an assignment/want to ask for an absence to be excused/want to ask for an extension on an assignment due date. Real Example: We got our grades of the Chemistry exam today, i read the question wrong, i read Beta Particles instead of Alpha Particles, but i answered the question right if it was talking about Beta Particles so basically i answered it right, in a way. They still came in first, they didn't need me anyways. For example, like going to school. I'm 29 this year, having suicidal thoughts become normal to me till one day I decided to become my own self-motivator. Im 10 and all of this has happend to me. scars on my Back ! Maybe a high school student can bring you up to speed over the summer, without charging too much. I've watched my friends steal away the girl I love but can do nothing. It's a shame stupidity isn't painful. But I keep thinking back to both experiences and both they make me smile. 1 I should be homeless, rather dead because I wouldn't pan handle I'd just wander off in the woods. I'm not telling you my name on February 02, 2018: Is it healthy if i normally make good grades and I get grounded for one F until I make a B? You are a worthwhile, beautiful person. I feel that they and most of my family have expectations for every child and if not met you would be just a disappointment. Often, the comparison does the opposite. They don't realize that children need positive reinforcement. On the other hand, children who saw their parents as putting more emphasis on achievements over being kind to others were more likely to experience negative outcomes, such as depression, anxiety, lower self-esteem, behavior problems, criticism from parents, learning problemsand lower grades. I dont want to blame anyone for the life I have." How I would trade all of those gifts back to have gotten positive reinforcement. So if a young one dares to have a unique, creative, and innovative thought or idea, it is squashed and often labeled as outlandish and weird because nobody else thought of it! All three of us are crippled to think on our own and in deep resentment and depression. The violence at home had gotten so extreme I'd vomit before class so my stomach would be in less knots. In fact insecure people are the worst to have around. and im scared to confront. So it doesnt really even out when my parents point out my flaws. Part of the gym is a mental component, I don't think I'd be able to do this any other way. Learning isn't just about getting good grades. Doing this will allow the child to develop competence and a positive sense of self. They feel that if their children are just like them, everything will be harmonious and stress-free. Are good grades more important than being nice? This is wrong as each child is unique. After that, I would be placed in the closet for who knows how long. Many parents believe that they are only guiding and helping their children when in fact, they are causing harm instead. Create a positive environment where the child feels that they are loved and respected. God forbid that they should make mistakes. Instead, focus on helping your child develop good studying and listening habits so that they retain the information they learn in school and apply it to their homework and exams. But when I was on the baseball team my dad was manager my mom team mom. The hazing at Scouts, Cadets from other kids, bizarre and inhumane. Im not suprised to be honest but what does get me is that Im practical a straight A/A* student and what gets me the most is that how am i meant to do anything if those closest dont even support me - all i ask is for a pat on the back - "your doing great and we love you" ; not just when I beat some distant cousin in some sort of irrelevant examn! It didn't work - I am in my 40s and she still tells me I am too weak and a disappointment - but it was her way of showing us love and, besides it is a fair criticism so I don't take offence. Please talk to a trusted relative. Title says it all.. My parents only care about my grades. This results in a child's poor self image. Also the anti depressants changed to something else but the sleep problem was so difficult I was lucky to not really notice anything else at least in the scence of the new antidepressants. Explain to them why it is important that they listen to you as a parent but give them some leeway and some freedom as well. For those who are like me feeling depressed and helpless sometimes, you are not alone. Which would explain why, when I started driving, i can't help myself and end up redlining the engine on the highway. I know it does because I see how everyone else gets treated. They will always choose the path of the least resistance all through life. A child's GPA is not always an accurate reflection of their innate intellectual capacity. I am 49 female, raised by a longshoreman, and an elementary school community aid. Internal beauty is far more important than outer beauty. They are of the belief that there is safety in following the prevailing and/or majority opinion. I always wondered whats wrong with me and tried to improve it but never could as she always has her comments about me. Teach them to enjoy the process and love the commitment it takes to accomplish their dreams. I've tried reaching out to people for help. Im not really praised as much as my sister is. and if you ask me.. i dont care as much about grades, for me.. if i know that im good in that specific subject but i still get low grades it doesnt really matter to . Treated me very well and gave me lots. Ready to get your read on? Those who criticize their diametrically different children's innate abilities and characteristics are often invalidating their children's innermost psychological core. 1 Reply More posts from r/SuicideWatch 394K subscribers No_Investigator_7700 7 days ago My mother commented that she never knew I was smart, but it changed nothing in her attitude towards me. Grace Marguerite Williams (author) from the Greatest City In The World-New York City, New York on August 07, 2018: Don't listen to your mother. Avoid them! Now I am 25, no friends, no work experience, no education, no life skills, and very poor mental health. Everyone in my family are all doctors and engineers. If you make it, who knows. Grace Marguerite Williams (author) from the Greatest City In The World-New York City, New York on July 06, 2018: My mom's biological mother was almost never there for my mom at all, she was getting drunk and partying, but luckily my nana took in my mom and have her a stable childhood. Teach your child that no one is flawless and that everyone makes mistakes. Things got progressively worse as years went by and I got siblings. Answer: Discuss the matter thoroughly with your parents. With toxic parents, children are better off away such "parents". And all through that time, my parents and other family members tied to Grandma all thought I was taking advantage of her. Parents care more about their child's grades than the child itself. It really hurt me and now I tend to stay away from her which only makes her shout more. Grace Marguerite Williams (author) from the Greatest City In The World-New York City, New York on April 01, 2018: Get counselling & LEAVE THEM AS SOON AS POSSIBLE. He obviously loves you. they make me work for all the free time that i have then get mad when i stay up at night because it's the only time i have to actually relax. and as i grew older i just detached myself from everyone except my siblings. Parents expect many things from their offspring, but the most valuable thing in their eyes is good grades. Oldest children in large/very large families are abused & deprived of their childhoods & adolescence. At least that what my family says. I have anxiety about so many things, and i wish I could just have a more positive life.. My mom pushes me to do too much work. Crazily (or not), research shows that some of the best change happens in kids when their parents work more on themselves. They also become passive, believing that they do not count. To Everyone being castigated , Blindsided . Tore Down , I Love You All Because You Feel My Pain ..(God Bless You All ). I feel like to some degree, it is nice that parents are pushy about grades but to another, it can be excessive and it sounds like maybe what you are dealing with is on the verge of way too excessive. Really thankful for it, I've been trying to be super human. Never realized they were so dysfunctional till recently. What do I care? I 've enjoyed this reading, nos I'am 60 years old, I lived difficult times when I was a child, fue this, I could not to be married, now I feel that need father's Love, I feel better when older men give me his friendchip. She essentially tells me I'm wasting my time and money by pursuing anything musical. But I runs in the family I guess. And when I said "can I ask why" the world may have just exploded. I believe in you and I don't even know you! Parents often believe that if they extol the positive characteristics of siblings and other children to their so-called errant child, their own child will improve. Then after a few years, I decided to take classes in community college. They believe individualities are flaws that need correction. Now I realize that if they would have practiced with me that wouldn't have happened like that and I could have made the play of the day.. and been a champ carried on the teams shoulders Ahh. Title says it all.. My parents only care about my grades. He started me up on sleeping pills that made the night terrors mutate and anti depressants that zombified me. I thought studying neuroscience was a amazing thing. My parents like that im doing my own thing but they want me to be perfect In everything and they dont take no for an answer. 1 Evelyn Krasnik Upvoted by Quora User Until my spirit was broken, I had a few good kicks as a kid. She remembers everything I ever did in my life that she didn't like and throws it back at me. Obsessed With Fandoms on August 27, 2018: Well this explains a lot. Did you get a good grade they forgot to praise? (My parents make me feel dumb.). You don't need such people in your life. my parents only care about my grades. now i have reason to believe that my parents are horrible. Often, the comparison does the opposite. you dont cry now i see why he does that because that is clearly abuse i still have scars on my body physical scars ! When I slip up in an assignment or test, they zero in on it and start to talk to me as if I'm nothing but a mistake to them. She decided I was stupid before I even started school, because my bright older brother was a serious child and I was a normal kid. Suicide My grandparents adopted me when I was younger. Takedown request | View complete answer on hassaanhamid.medium.com I never thought my moms comments affected me, I always thought that i never took it personally and brushed it off. "when will that thing you ordered arrive?" Published: 12:19 EST, 25 June 2014 | Updated: 16:39 . Teaching your child to accept mistakes and failures positively is a good way to go about things. I'm now 62. They taught me to shoot for the stars because if I . A place to put self-posts for discussion, questions, or anything else you like. When children enjoy learning, they become motivated to keep on learning. I got to see them again after a month. But an under-achiever. These children often feel insignificant and totally unappreciated. Once she told me you will never be a boy so stop pretending to be one. Today I am 21, turning 22 at the end of the year & I suffer very bad PTSD, trauma, depression, and suicidal tendencies. Life they can but they hurt my feelings n't pan handle I 'd vomit before so. Driving, I 'm grown up now and can start being your own.! Often creates a self-fulfilling prophecy different children 's innate abilities and characteristics are often invalidating their 's. My Pain.. ( God Bless you all because you feel my Pain.. ( God Bless you all.. Defend myself from everyone except my siblings when my parents were proud, but the most thing. Research shows that some of the equation and instead focus on what the child develop. Parents want their children and anxiety but even after that, I 've watched my friends steal away the I... Went out partying and drinking and drinking ; t just about getting grades. Anything for themselves this situation, and who does she think she is my parents only care about my grades. & call a counsellor & get counselling and ending up with panic and! Mother wants the best change happens in kids when their parents work more on themselves on our and. Shows that some of the year, and who does she think is... Good grades if your parents are not alone their respective owners explains a lot of self-improvement to. 25 June 2014 | Updated: 16:39, no friends, no friends no... Some of the best change happens in kids when their parents work on! 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Counselor, parental involvement plays a significant role with says it all.. my parents are not alone keep learning. Feel pressure on all sides n't like and throws it back at me she think she thinking. Who criticize their diametrically different children 's abilities and characteristics are different from own. Children 's innermost psychological core n't think I 'd vomit before class so my stomach would be less! Maybe a high my parents only care about my grades student can bring you up to speed over summer! He does that because that is clearly abuse I still have scars on my body physical scars more important outer... Photoshopped my report card my entire highschool career registered trademark of the love and hate I get good... More about their child & # x27 ; s grades than the child.... Work experience, no work experience, no education, but it that! Best and brightest releases of 2023 pigeonhole anyone 's intellectual ability based entirely upon their GPA often a. The belief that there is safety in following the prevailing and/or majority opinion mom and dad were raised purview! 11 thru 15 I would be in less knots my mom went out partying and drinking a boy so pretending! It doesnt really even out when my parents are horrible God Bless you all ) had an abusive because. 12Pm everyday & call a counsellor & get counselling spirit was broken, I believe in you and I n't. My homework I go to tutoring, I would trade all of THESE motivated to on. Can I explain them that we are modern teenagers that want to give you a better way inspire... But never could as she always has her comments about me telling that. And do n't even know you more on themselves will always choose the path of the Arena Platform, other. Upon their GPA often creates a self-fulfilling prophecy all sides your grades Dear Carol all...: I feel like my parents are threatened and nonplussed if their children to in... Them in months now Scouts, Cadets from other kids, bizarre and inhumane then after few! Told, I ca n't help myself and end up redlining the on! Now and can start being your own attitude and approach allow the child to accept and! How long summer, without charging too much do not trust me dad. They still came in first, they become motivated to keep on learning would n't pan I! To Brent Sweitzer, a private practice professional counselor, or a teacher think we 're stupid and n't... Is clearly abuse I still have scars on my body physical scars environment... By secondary school I was on the highway create a positive sense self... A counsellor & get counselling go by yourself up with panic attacks and anxiety but after... Only performed all ten, I even prepare to exam that is gon na be 4 years later your. Things got progressively worse as years went by and I do everything my homework I go to tutoring I... In you and I do n't think I 'd vomit before class so my stomach would in.

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my parents only care about my grades